BREAKING NEWS: Stone Cold Steve Austin Signs with WCW

Earlier tonight, WCW Owner Eric Bischoff announced live on WCW Monday Night Nitro that he had a groundbreaking announcement. After the WCW: "Royal Rumble 5" pay per view last Friday, Eric Bischoff was quoted as saying, "I'm not worried about Austin having won the Royal Rumble Match. Believe me, I always have a Plan B." Now we know why, because there was a lot more to this story.

Eric Bischoff's music hit as he made his way to the ring. Eric Bischoff grabbed the mic and said, "I really had a great time kicking Vince McMahon's ass in the Royal Rumble 5 match, but you know, I hate this guy so much I just love to stick it to him in any way I can. So, behind the scenes, someone set up a meeting between one of Vince's biggest wrestling stars and myself. Some idiot in the WWE didn't renew this guys contract and I've taken advantage of the situation. This major WWE superstar and I have been in negotiations for a short time, and I'm very excited to announce one of WCW's great acquisitions in the history of this company. I know Vince McMahon is going to be super pissed off by this, and it makes me feel so god damn good inside. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce to you the newest major wrestling star here in WCW... STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!!!"

Austin hugs Bischoff as Bischoff raises Austin's arm. Austin gets on the mic and says, "Mr. Eric Bischoff, I just want to say thank you very much for signing Stone Cold Steve Austin to a contract here in World Championship Wrestling. I'm sure between the 2 of us and the other great wrestling stars in the back we will collectively be able to whoop that piece of shit Vince McMahon's ass, once again. Vince McMahon and I have been at war for months now and there's no greater enemy than that dumb son of a bitch. Also, Goldberg, I'm fixing to whip your ass later this year and take that WCW World Heavyweight Championship at "Wrestlemania 5" and that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so!" End of segment.